Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Ten Chinese Murdered for Singing Justin Bieber Songs.

Over the past six months, China has been stung by a series of murders, all reportedly provoked by karaoke versions of Justin Bieber's One Time.

At least ten people have been murdered after the tune was performed at karaoke.

Local media call the deaths the "Justin Bieber Killings" and they are occurring in some of the sprawling nation's thousands of karaoke-filled bars, cafes and restaurants.

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                                                     ONE BAD MOTHER
            
                                                           By Sara L. Rose

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“Sara L. Rose has created a teen mom to die for. She’s the Amanda Hocking of thriller authors.”


Layla Philips is a teen mom from the wrong side of L.A.

She’s pudgy.

She’s vulgar.

But you’d be very wrong to hate her.
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Here's how the murders occur: Someone gets up, clears his or her throat and chooses One Time from a list of songs approved by Communist Party censors. The lyrics appear on a screen, the music begins to play--and trouble begins.

Some performers get into fights with their critics. Some are rude. Others jump forward into the unruly crowd using the microphone or broken beer bottles as weapons. Audience members respond by flinging chairs or pulling knives. In the worst cases, performers--or their hecklers--have been murdered.

Chinese authorities are considering a crackdown on Justin Bieber songs, videos and newspaper articles about him.

filed by My Urban Fantasy







Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Shocked Gal Finds Lipstick on Boyfriend's--SOCKS!

           
     Dear My Urban Fantasy:

     Here's my personal fantasy nightmare:

     Every woman knows to look for lipstick on her man's collar. But lipstick on his socks? That’s the dilemma I face every time I do my man’s laundry. Yeah, he’s the man of the house and I take care of it. But that’s all right with me because he’s a good provider and we have two beautiful kids I love being here to watch grow.
     Until one day when I noticed a lipstick stain when I was sorting his socks, which is actually quite easy since he only wears white. How did I know it was lipstick? Well dear, the stain was lip-shaped, like some cortisone-injected Carmen Elektra look-alike had planted one on his big toe. It was Naughty Night by, I think, Revlon.
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     After regaining my composure, I shrugged it off. After all, a neighbor of mine once saw the face of Jesus on her boyfriend’s boxer shorts.
     But as the weeks went by, I spotted Raunchy Red, Satin Doll and various and sundry other hues. I had no alternative but to conclude that, indeed, some two-bit hussy was open-mouth kissing my guy’s socks and she had a fortune to blow on lip gloss.
     You may find this funny, but I’ve learned to live with it. I figure she can have him from his ankles on down as long as I get to keep the rest.

Anne in Minneapolis



                                 

Monday, February 20, 2012

Auction House Selling Whitney Houston's Clothes to Highest Bidder!!

Let's see--Whitney was buried on Saturday.

Today is Monday.

Two days later--by the calculations of my pre-morning coffee brain...

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                                Teen Mom Kicks A** in Nail-Biting New Thriller

                                                     ONE BAD MOTHER
            
                                                           By Sara L. Rose

                                                     $2.99 on exclusively Kindle

“Sara L. Rose has created a teen mom to die for. She’s the Amanda Hocking of thriller authors.”
 
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...And an L.A. auction house has already announced it's auctioning off a collection of her clothes to the highest bidder.

Don't believe me?

Here's the link from CBS News.

My Urban Fantasy
                       

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Drowning in Bathtub a Wake-Up Call for Whitney Houston, Says Insider.

Dateline Beverly Hills

There is an upside to the tragic death of singer Whitney Houston, I can exclusively report.

A reliable source on the Other Side tells me that the Grammy-winning chanteuse has decided to enter rehab to recover from her alleged drug and alcohol addictions.

“Drowning in a bathtub was a wake-up call for Whitney,” the source told me. “In a dramatic shift, she’s decided to abandon the wild lifestyle that caused even her most devoted fans to wonder what kind of s*** she was smoking. And what the f*** she saw in that fool Bobby Brown.”

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     Dead celebrities are just as f****d up in the Afterlife as they are on Earth, according to Dr. Abraham Tribesky, psychiatrist to deceased Hollywood stars.
     In his shocking new ebook, Michael Jackson is Being Harassed in Heaven ($2.99 Kindle), Dr. Tribesky reveals the tabloid-worthy lifestyles and outrageous opinions of his famous neurotics from the Other Side. Like:
     *Lady Gaga Banned from Rock 'n Roll Heaven
     *DJ Decapitates Fan with Flying Vinyl (Is Biggie's Ghost to Blame?)
     *Sinatra's Frank Advice for Justin Bieber.
     *Same Ghost Appears in 20 Episodes of Paranormal State!

     MICHAEL JACKSON IS BEING HARASSED IN HEAVEN, by Dr. Abraham Tribesky, psychiatrist to deceased Hollywood Stars ($2.99 Kindle).


“Starting today, Whitney plans to devote herself entirely to music. It’s still her #1 love, even though some say she spent enough on cocaine to buy her own Mexican cartel (a step one financial advisor allegedly suggested).

“Whitney feels that it’s never too late to right a wrong. She’s going to live life one day at a time for an eternity.

“Whitney is actually elated at this sudden turn of events. She’s as giddy as a crackhead with a kilo-size pipe.

“And to add frosting to the cake, Michael Jackson has just volunteered to be Whitney’s sponsor! What pop music lover wouldn’t want to be a fly on the wall at their highly entertaining AA meetings!!”

I’ll update this story as the situation warrants.

Abraham Tribesky
95-Year-Old Psychiatrist to Deceased Hollywood Stars


Thursday, February 9, 2012

Conceited Rich Dude Asks "Ladies, If I Was A Slob Would You Still F*** Me?

     Attention ladies!
     I’m 5’9" and 235 pounds of pure fat. I have a 4-day growth of beard that’ll rub your cheeks raw. Even the black, curly hairs on my shoulders need a good trim. I bathe once a week and call my mom every night, after which I prefer being alone with my thoughts for two hours. I wear the same Chuck Norris t-shirt and khakis I sleep in and own every DVD Adam Sandler ever made. My favorite sports are ESPN ladies’ billiards and Monster Truck Racing. I like slow walks to the liquor store and warming my feet on a HD-TV screen. I appreciate candlelight dinners when you prepare them, especially the foods of Eastern Europe, like beef tongue and kielbasa. Quiet evenings at home are my dream. I’ll play Hit Man and stare at your ass while you cook.
     Wanna date?
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                                                           By Sara L. Rose

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     That’s the reaction I feared. You see, I used to be the kind of guy girls would die for. Handsome as hell, with rich parents and Einstein-level brains. That was my torment. I had no way to tell if a girl wanted the flawed, real me inside. Then I got an idea from my roomie at college. He was a slovenly mess and didn’t have pretty b*****s by the score.
     So I took a page from his book. I became a slob. Unfortunately, my scheme worked too well. The type of girls who used to jump my bones now avoid me like the plague.
     That’s why I’ve composed this candle in the darkness, as I search for the good woman for me.
     Is it you?
     Here’s how to find out: Next time you’re at a party and spot a repulsive, snot-dripping loser, ignore his grizzly façade. Instead, employ your considerable charm. Seduce him. You may discover under his stomach-churning exterior a wonderful rich brainy guy. Me.
     On the other hand, it might be my roommate.

            No?

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Bride Hasn't Told Groom She Plans To Remain A Virgin Forever.

     Dear Urban Fantasy:
     I plan to stay a virgin forever. But I haven’t told my fiance yet. I want it to be a surprise. Call me a naïve little country girl, but I think it will strengthen our marriage. When "Boyd" and I started dating, I explained I was old-fashioned and chastity was important to me. He simply said, "That’s cool. I’ve always wanted to marry a virgin." He learned good values on the family farm even though he didn’t have much company other than his dog and 16,000 chickens.
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                                                     ONE BAD MOTHER
            
                                                           By Sara L. Rose

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“Sara L. Rose has created a teen mom to die for. She’s the Amanda Hocking of thriller authors.”

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     Our romance blossomed into love and now we’re making plans for a June wedding. Boyd still treats me like a princess, even though he grinds his teeth a lot and gets headaches.
     I notice that it wasn’t the same with the girls who slept with their boyfriends. After a while, the guys stopped being nice, acted bored and began roaming. Even after they married.
     That’s why I decide to keep my virtue. It’s the only way I can guarantee Boyd’s lasting interest. This way, he’ll probably stick around, treat me right and be there for the chickens.
     Just to be on the safe side, I took a job working the graveyard shift at the fertilizer plant.

Thank you,
Alyce in Missouri

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Who Would Win The Teen Mom SuperBowl?

                                Teen Mom Kicks A** in Nail-Biting New Thriller

                                                     ONE BAD MOTHER
            
                                                           By Sara L. Rose

                                                     $2.99 Kindle or NOOK

“Sara L. Rose has created a teen mom to die for. She’s the Amanda Hocking of thriller authors.”
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In a knock down drag-out Superbowl between the girls of Teen Mom, who would win?

Amber?

Cateyln?

Farrah?

Maci?

Post answer in Comments.