Saturday, December 29, 2012

16 Shocking Predictions for 2013!


  • Psychiatrists will make great strides in understanding why anyone in their right mind could identify all the Kardashians.
  • Steven Spielberg will reveal his long-held plan to remake Gone With The Wind as a feature-length Claymation cartoon, with four pounds of genuine Georgia clay in the lead roles.
  • Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will announce and quickly retract their divorce when they realize they’re not married.
  • Perpetually confused and angry U.S. Senator John McCain will shock his colleagues when he introduces a bill requiring Barack Obama to stay off the White House lawn! 
  • Madonna will import posh British ghosts to haunt her California mansion, launching a major Hollywood fad.
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  • Extending an olive branch to its unemployed youth, The United States of America will re-brand itself as The 50 States of U  and commission a new national anthem written by Lil’ Wayne.
  • A tech-obsessed couple will exchange vows by texting each other--in separate churches!
  • Thousands of ambitious female singers will gain weight and apply fake moles and facial hair in order to earn their chance at stardom in the new reality show Let’s Find The Next Susan Boyle.
  • Based on the belief that private citizens make better decisions than government bureaucrats, Texans will vote that individuals can determine their own tax rates, decide if they are too drunk to drive and when it’s O.K. for them to commit adultery.
  • University of Phoenix will be admitted to the Ivy League.
  • California environmentalists launch L.A. to S.F. stagecoach service. Travelers appreciate the leisurely 6-week journey.
  • Five-pound rotary dial cell phones become Japanese rage.
  • Banned in city after city, plastic shopping bags will soar in value. An elderly woman will sell her collection of 200 mint condition Safeway bags for $5,000 on Pawn Stars.
  • Outsourcing will reach absurd heights when vagrants hire illegal immigrants to panhandle for them.
  • The U.S. Chamber of Commerce will recognize panhandling as “America’s fastest-growing small business.” A spokesman will call beggars “grass-roots entrepreneurs…our economy needs is millions more like them.”
  • In December, 2013, everyone will be wondering what happened to: Ke’ Sha, The Tea Party, Chelsea Clinton's TV career, family wage jobs, summer and their car keys.
Posted by My Urban Fantasy

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