Saturday, March 2, 2013

A Ventriloquist's Dummy Talked Me Into Marriage.


    

     His name is “Benjamin Byrd” and I love him more than words can say.  Because of this wonderful woodenhead, I’m now the mother of three healthy children and the wife of a hardworking provider.
     It all started the day I met Ben’s shy, soft-spoken human pal “Cliff.”  We worked together in different departments of a huge corporation.  I first noticed him in the hallway:  tall and good-looking with a boyish quality.  I tried my girlish best to snare him into talking, but had no luck until we rode the elevator by ourselves one lunch hour.
     Cliff sputtered and stammered but was finally able to ask for a date.  I was elated.  Unfortunately, the evening became a disaster when Cliff could barely get a word out and spilled his drink on my new dress.
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     I wrote off the dress and the relationship until Cliff nervously invited me to play Frisbee with him and a friend in the park.  I decided to give him one last chance, and an hour later met him sitting on a park bench.  There was a patent-leather suitcase beside him.

     “Looks like your friend is late,” I noted.
     “No, he’s right here,” Cliff stammered.  Then he eagerly opened the expensive-looking case and lifted out a wooden dummy with wavy hair, a bulbous nose and a goofy expression on his shiny face.
     The dummy’s mouth opened.  “Hi, doll!  Benjamin Byrd here.  What’s a pretty thing like you doing with old stone face?  He this week’s charity case?”
     I chuckled.  “Don’t say that.  Cliff’s a very sweet fellow.”
     “He’s sweet, all right,” Ben cackled, “sweet as a freakin’ lemon.”
     I laughed again.  Amazingly, I then proceeded to enjoy an hour’s conversation with Ben, whom I found to be witty, charming, and quite a wonderful companion.  I was impressed that Cliff’s lips didn’t move the entire time.  He was very talented.
      Over the ensuing weeks and months, Ben and I talked endlessly almost every day.  Through Ben, I came to know Cliff very well.  This magic time climaxed when Ben asked me to marry Cliff.  I’ll never forget Cliff down on one knee with Ben perched on the other.
     We were wed in a quiet civil ceremony, with Ben, of course, the best man in a tiny tuxedo I sewed for the occasion.
     We’ve been married for eight years now, with three happy kids.  (He may not be much of a talker, but there are some great things Cliff can do on his own!)  Sometimes, when we really want to get romantic, Cliff, Ben and I snuggle under a blanket in front of the fireplace—not too close to the roaring fire, of course!  Cliff and I let Benjamin do all the talking while we kiss and cuddle.



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