Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Trump to Name Judge Judy, Three Others to Supreme Court.

    In an exclusive interview, a Trump 2016 insider offered a peek at candidates he's considering for the Supreme Court--and reality show superstar Judge Judy tops the list!
    
    Said the insider, "While I am not authorized to speak on behalf of the Trump campaign, it is believed that Judge Judy is a shoo-in for the highest court in the land.

     "Is she a liberal? A conservative? Who knows? But she does not hesitate to voice her opinion--and that is a quality Mr. Trump values above all else. I, for one, cannot wait to see Judge Judy give a verbal dressing down to the stuffy lawyers who believe they've hit the big time because they're arguing a case in front of the Supreme Court.

     "On top of that, she already owns a gown, saving taxpayers money."
   
    According to the source, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of reprisal, three other reality show stars will be given the nod:  
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Eyeing the Flash: The Making of a Carnival Con Artist, by Peter Fenton

"A cross between Ferris Bueller and William S. Burroughs...A hilarious, twisted coming-of-age story." --New York Times

                              10th Anniversary Edition!
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    1. Gwen Stefani works well under pressure, having made many, many difficult decisions on The Voice. She's hot. Looks great in black. End of story. Sexy women have for too long been underrepresented on the Supreme Court.

    2. Blake Shelton. Unfortunately, Blake and Gwen are a sort of package deal. But if the lovebirds break-up, the Nashville warbler is out!

     3. Pharrell Williams. Any guy talented enough to write "Don't Worry, Be Happy!" is an automatic shoo-in. The Supreme Court should be a happy place! Plus, he can mediate any disputes between Blake and Gwen. And he's got that ethnic deal covered.

     According to the source, two other candidates were given careful consideration and then dropped:

     Sarah Palin: She'll get the experience she needs if her judge show pilot is picked up for a full season run.
     
     J.Lo: Isn't she from Puerto Rico or something like that? Sorry, no foreigners allowed! After ten years of a Kenyan in the White House, the American people have had enough!

reporting by My Urban Fantasy

     

   

Monday, March 28, 2016

Arrogant NBA Star Asks Coed to Autograph His Box of Condoms



      I made a mistake the other day after attending a professional basketball game in an East Coast city I’m not going to name.  I went to the game with a girlfriend who likes sports—for the sexy athletes, mostly.
      
     To make a long story short, after the final buzzer, my friend slipped past security and headed for the visiting team’s locker room, with me tagging reluctantly along...
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      Eyeing the Flash: The Making of a Carnival Con Artist
                                       by Peter Fenton
                              

      New York Times: "A cross between Ferris Bueller and William S. Burroughs...A hilarious, twisted coming-of-age story."
                                 10th Anniversary Edition
                                  
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    ...Frankly, I’m a college sophomore majoring in Physics and could care less about the N.B.A. and even less about the players.  But one thing led to another and before I knew it, I was in a luxurious hotel suite with a handsome point guard (whatever that is).
     
    We drank Champagne, listened to music, drank more Champagne and soon wound up in a king-size bed.
     
    I have no one else to blame but me for being too adventurous.  But what really hurts is that after we made love, this point guard handed me a felt pen and the box of condoms that was laying on the night stand—and asked me to autograph it!
     
    That’s right.  He asked me to sign a box of Trojans that was already covered with a dozen other girls’ autographs.

    
    I felt so humiliated I ran out of the room before I could even ask him for taxi fare.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Congress to Downsize U.S. to 45 States.

     A cost-cutting proposal making the rounds of Capitol Hill downsizes the U.s. to 45 states.
     While there is widespread agreement that the step should be taken, party-line divisions threaten to scuttle the program even before Congress votes.
     Republicans want to delete New York, California, Vermont, Oregon and Massachusetts.
     Democrats prefer to eliminate Utah, Alaska, Arizona, Mississippi and--in a surprise move--Wisconsin.
     What states would YOU wipe off the map?

     Sponsored by Eyeing the Flash: The Making of a Carnival Con Artist, by Peter Fenton.