- Southern California will be devastated by a massive 8.7 earthquake after a rupture in the fault lines of Renee Zellweger’s plastic surgery scars.
- A famous DJ will decapitate a fan—with flying vinyl!
- Banned in city after city, plastic shopping bags will soar in value. An elderly woman will sell her collection of 200 mint condition Safeway bags for $5,000 on Pawn Stars.
- Outsourcing will reach absurd heights when vagrants hire illegal immigrants to panhandle for them.
- Revlon will release a new men’s cologne designed to enhance male bonding. Called Bromance, the brand will mimic the scent of stale PBR and Dennison chili farts.
- Dr. Drew will be exposed as a practicing drug, alcohol, gambling, internet and sex addict. He will then cure himself in a 10-part reality show by playing bass with recovering addicts from Guns ‘n Roses, Motley Crue, Ratt, Warrant and other VH1 Classic bands too numerous to mention.
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Eyeing the Flash: The Making of a Carnival Con Artist
10th Anniversary Edition
10th Anniversary Edition
"A cross between Ferris Bueller and William S. Burroughs...A hilarious and twisted coming-of-age story" --New York Times.
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- Terrorists will kidnap Justin Bieber to widespread public approval. No search will be undertaken—and in an incredible reverse ransom the puzzled group will be paid a huge sum to keep him.
- This watershed event will inspire the creation of Celebrity Kidnap, a hit Fox Network reality show in which audience members decide which annoying celebrities they want abducted.
- A fraternity member will throw up on a twenty-topping pizza and none of his frat brothers will care!
- Texans will vote that individuals can determine their own tax rates, decide if they are too drunk to drive and when it’s O.K. for them to commit adultery.
- California environmentalists will launch L.A. to S.F. stagecoach service. Travelers will appreciate the leisurely 6-week journey.
- Five-pound rotary dial mobile phones will become Japanese rage.
- Adam Sandler will say something funny.
- English will be declared the “official 2nd language” of the United States.
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